A Statement from the Vice President’s Office

There has been a lot of criticism of the Vice President’s actions in the shooting of his friend Mr Whittington. The incident was a regrettable one, but unfortunately this kind of collateral damage is an unavoidable consequence of The War on Game ™ . Those who are criticizing the Vice President would presumably be happy to see world literally overrun by quail and their ilk.

Others have tried to cast doubt on the hi-tech weaponry used in The War on Game ™. They have suggested that these weapons are not as surgically precise as we have said since Mr Cheney could not discern the difference between a grown man wearing an orange vest at point blank range and a small brown bird. Once again, it is clear that these nay-sayers are only out to give succour to the enemies of America in this time of great hardship for the nation as a whole.

Finally it has been reported that the Vice President had not actually obtained the necessary authorization for his brave and personal contribution to The War on Game ™. This lack of authorization in the form of a stamp issued by the UN Security Council Texas Parks and Wildlife Department does not in any way deligitimise the very vital mission that the Vice President had embarked upon. The suspicion remains that the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department had members who were in cahoots with some, as yet unidentified, pheasants.

Once again the Vice President would like to remind the press that America is engaged in a battle for its very survival. If The War on Game ™ is lost thanks to the desire of a few deluded individuals who feel that exposing our tactics to the enemy is “in the national interest” , then he hopes that the American people will do their duty and rise up and refute their actions. The Vice President is a vital front line defence in The War on Game ™ and we would do well to applaud his actions rather than condemning him.