“Oooh have you seen how small the potatoes are this year?”
“I know, it’s shocking isn’t it? I’ve never seen such small potatoes”
“They look like soil encrusted ball bearings”
“Or largish hailstones”
“I saw some the other day that could have been plums”
“Plums? They’re quite big. For this crop, I mean, since after all they’re very small this year”
Blah blah blah, etc and so on
I exaggerate slightly – while this is not exactly the world’s most exciting town, and is unlikely to make the shortlist in all but the most surreal “most exciting town” competitions – not ALL conversations are about potatoes. But, being one of Harghita county’s principle exports (along with mineral water, rocks, and Ciuc beer), potatoes and the quality of the annual crop are a fairly significant part of public discourse.
I believe, quite firmly, that the 2006 crop of miniature potatoes is yet another warning of the “End of Days” , and that it is directly mentioned in the book of Revelations:
“And lo, there shall come a time when the rise of the Antichrist will be heralded by a year of very small potatoes¹ and ye shall hear the veritable complaining of the peasantry whose livelihoods depend upon reasonably proportioned tubers. At this time of small potatoes, ye shall know the antichrist by his patronage of the “Star” of Bucharest and the fact that he is known by the number 666 ²”
So, we’ll soon all be taken up. Or not, depending on whether God reckons we’ve been good or not. Judgmental tosser.
¹ There is some debate among scholars over the translation of this word from the original text, since “potatoes” weren’t discovered by the Judao-Christian world until Columbus went to the Americas. Some contend that the end of days will actually be heralded by a crop of very small turnips.
² The name “Gigi” can (in English) be rendered as “GG”. Placed together with the initial “b” it is clear that in certain fonts “GGb” is in fact the number of the beast. Coincidence? You be the judge.